The unhealthy obsession with Autumn Sage

I came home from San Francisco with two pieces of good news awaiting me in the mail. First, my 40 sticks of 32MBFPM 60ns Parity memory arrived in the mail finally. Now I can set up my SGI Challenge S boxen. Now I must decide if I want to run IRIX or NetBSD...

The second thing I got in the mail[0] was HaXXXor Chicks Volume 1: No longer floppy. Many of you may ask why I would waste my hard earned money on such a train wreck of a video. The answer is a bit complicated and perhaps disturbing, but endearing.

During the first night at Defcon 11, I slept in a room with 4 girls I didn’t know, 4 guys I didn’t know, ghz, xi, girlvinyl, and mrbob. The idea was to do Defcon on the cheap, and split a 2 bedroom suite as many ways as possible. Little did I know that I would be sleeping in the same room as the annoying and loud jailbait[1] that are the HaXXXor Chicks.

xighz, mrbob, and I rolled into the room late, perhaps 1am. We wanted to get up early to hit the early conferences. We were met with complications, however. The beds were to be occupied by the HaXXXor chicks, the sofa by their “bouncer”, and any left over room was the floor. And so, we slept on the floor, sharing a single blanket between us. To date, I can now say I’ve slept with xi, ghz, and girlvinyl. Yes, it was a 4 way.

Our sleep wasn’t a deep one, however, During the night, the HaXXXor chicks woke us up repeatedly, whether by complaining about us sleeping on the floor, having a blanket, or using towels as makeshift pillows, or playing music loudly and making phone calls to their parents.

“Hello, mom?”
“...”
“Yeah, I’m doing okay. I’m just staying with Becky”
“...”
“I won’t stay out late or get into trouble.”
“...”
“I love you too. Yes, I’ll do my homework too.”

After the girls left the room, I decided to explore a notebook I found on the coffee table near where I slept that had label to the extent of something like “Chemistry: Do not look, do not read.” Naturally, I opened the book and began to look and read. At first, it appeared to contain some badly taken notes:

PRIME NUMBERS
1,2,3,4,5,7,9,11,12,13,14,15


A few pages later, I came across some bad poetry, and I read it aloud so others in the room could enjoy the creative juices that this young lady had flowing out her fingers. After repeated demands and threats that I stop, I flipped through the book and found more and more teen poetry. Most of it about love, some of it about peer pressure, others about Hot Topic. There were also lists of clothing accessories to purchase, sort of like a Amazon wish list. Most of the items were marked “HT” for Hot Topic, or “RV” for Rave. A lot of lines were crossed out, and based on the number of Hot Topic bags that were laying around the room, I could only assume that someone had purchased them for her.

After a lot of page flipping, I found the author and owner of this fine piece of writing:

Autumn Sage.

The name of a stripper. A whore. A HaXXXor chick. I was in love... and now I have her video. Sure, I don’t know which one of the girls she really is, but to know that I was so close to a anti-goddess turns me on, and makes me think inappropriate thoughts about Chuck.

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[0] I’ll do screeners if you bring the beer.
[1] Not that there is anything wrong with that.